(The Beginning of) Allison's story

Survivors of sexual exploitation are often, understandably, very critical of their appearance. Many of them have been forced to survive in a culture that criticizes every part of their appearance, always demanding them to look better or to change in some way so they will be more "appealing." On top of that, many of these young girls were told similar lies of not being good enough, or pretty enough by their loved ones, and so when the pimps speak those words, they have no choice but to believe they are speaking truth.

One of the girls living in our home, Allison*, shares this story. Allison is the youngest of five children, and when her mother learned she was pregnant with Allison, she tried to abort her (most likely using drugs). Allison grew up in a broken family, and spent most of her growing up years with her father, who was extremely abusive and neglectful. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict and eventually died of a failed liver. Allison's mother has a job as a maid and earns only 30$ per month to care for her children, and it's never enough to meet their needs.

At the age of 14, Allison's father died and she moved back with her mother. Although Allison was already a couple of years behind in her school advancement, her mother asked her to drop out of school because she couldn't pay for her in addition to her nieces and nephews, who were already enrolled.Allison is a leader with a vibrant personality and a beautiful smile, and soon sought the love that she needed from boys. She didn't get along with girls and her mother and sisters thought she was being sexually permiscious and would call her a bad names and accuse her of being a "slut" and a prostitute. She would deny the accusations, but no matter what she said they never believed her.

At the age of 15, Allison met a girl who easily coerced her to engage in sexual services. She said that since her family already thought she was a prostitute, she might as well be one. She was given only 10$ per customer in exchange for those services. Allison was even further shunned from her family who told her she was worthless and shameful when they found out. Obviously, this criticism was not what she needed to escape.

Allison is now 16, but because of her age and her extreme vulnerability, this case is considered a trafficking case. Under Philippine law, she is considered a minor and because of her young vulnerability, thankfully, there are consequences for taking advantage of her. The "bar" where she worked was raided by police in July 2011 and she was brought to My Refuge House shortly after.

When Allison arrived she was angry and often contemplating running away, but she didn't want to go back home. She had given up on going to school and was convinced that being a prostitute was all she could ever do. She would easily get upset at someone, even if she just thought they were talking about her or making fun of her. She was so self conscious of her appearance that every comment about looks, whether pointed at her or not, would make her angry, because she would assume it was about her.

In just the few short months since Allison arrived, with the encouragement of our trained staff, she has grown in remarkable ways. She has begun to find things about herself, even her appearance, that she appreciates. She has become a leader in her "family" and the smile on her face has become almost instant and radiant. She rarely gets upset now, and when she does, she usually finds someone to talk to instead of shouting or punching the cement walls like she used to. Almost every day, one of the staff comments about how much she has grown and improved. She's not the same girl she was a few months ago.

MRH has been able to provide Allison the education she was forced to give up and she is wholeheartedly participating in her studies. She has also decided to pursue culinary arts because she loves to cook.  Allison suffered from many medical complications due to the work that she engaged in, and MRH was able to give her the care she needed for that. Most importantly though, MRH has given her a safe, loving home, where she feels supported and cared for, for the first time.



*name changed to protect participant

My Papa

Yesterday, I showed this picture of myself with my grandparents to the girls.

The 15 month old baby, the daughter of one of the girls, pointed at the my grandfather and said "Papa!"

Yes, I think he just might be yours too, sweet girl.

Controlling Goats

My office has a great view of the neighbor's thatch-roofed house on the hill next to ours. Today, I watched out my window as a boy, probably around 8 years old, tried desperately to pull a very stubborn goat up the hill to his house. He tugged, and pulled and shouted for a number of minutes. He was about halfway up  the hill and in desperation, he threw the goat's rope on the ground and started running down the other side of the hill. As soon as he started running, the goat followed him. In fact the goat was so eager to keep up, that he actually overtook the boy!

I laughed a little, at this view out my window. But it reminded me so much of what it's like to work with people. We can be quite stubborn, when others are telling us what to do. Even if that thing they are encouraging us to do is good and better than what we are currently doing, sometimes we attack it with surprising amounts of resistance anyway. But then, if we can glimpse someone excelling and enjoying their way, we will do all we can to attain that thing... especially if no one is pushing or pulling us along.

Sculpture of a girl attempting to pull a goat

I often tell our staff that working with people is not math. There is no one right answer all the time. Even for the same girl. Sometimes one approach works, sometimes that same approach will make the situation worse. We never really know. But we do know, that when we communicate to a person that change and growth are in their control, and only their control, and step back to watch and see how they do it (encouraging and prompting along the way), well, then it's often amazing to see what transpires. The trick is, teaching someone, empowering someone, to find hope, to believe that the future is better and bright and theirs for the taking.

When someone believes that, really believes that they have hope; that's when it becomes impossible to keep up.

Current favorite game: The Slipper Game...

Think of kickball using flip-flops (slippers) instead of a ball. 

Safety

I love hearing the laughter of the girls throughout the day.  Most of my day can be rather boring to be honest. Answering email and making reports and coordinating with partners and staff and all aspects of the program to ensure that we give the best care possible are what I spend the bulk of my time on. But as the girls play games inside and outside, or just enjoy each others company, the laughter that erupts is incredible and gives me great fuel to continue my (boring) tasks.

The other thing that's incredible is watching the girls become accustomed to feeling safe. Safety is a huge part of what we aim to accomplish. Physical Safety is necessary because many of the girls have perpetrators who have threatened them and their families. But even more important at times is Emotional Safety. A few weeks ago, one of the girls cried as she told our staff that she had never been treated without shame or guilt about her past until now. In fact, this was the first time anyone had ever told her it was ok to give up that shame that she had been carrying.  Staff who are caring and comforting (and also firm when they need to be!) are an essential part of providing emotional safety, and I'm so thankful for the staff we have who are doing just that.

The other day the girls did an activity in which they were asked to draw a safe place. The meaning of physical safety and emotional safety was explained to them in order to emphasize the importance of working together and accepting each other (in a house full of teenage girls, emotions sometimes run high!). When they were asked to draw a picture of a safe place... every girl at the table drew a picture of our house.

Last week, we received 6 more girls. That means that currently, we have 13 girls living in our home. Our house is full! Actually, it's more than full, because we had initially set up to take in only 12. I'm still amazed that we opened up our new home less than four months ago and already it's full beyond it's intended capacity. The need is great, and we couldn't bear to separate the last girl out of this group of 6 who came together. All six are between the ages of 14 and 16 and we are so thankful to have the privilege of providing a safe place for each one of them to grow and heal.

Green!

Our grass has grown in, and our flowers are blooming and it looks great around here!

Here are some pics so you can also enjoy the view :)

One of our girls drew this picture the other day.

It's says "MRH is my house"

The picture on the left is her self-portrait and the other girls are playing volleyball and watering the flowers, two things that they do almost every day.

I'm so glad that she sees this house as her home.

New Webpage

My Refuge House has a new website, and a new Logo!! Check it out here:

www.myrefugehouse.org

Thanks to everyone who worked so hard to put it together. It looks great :)

Hello Doctor

One of the realities of the work we do, is that girls often come into our doors without having received appropriate medical care. Some of the girls living in our facility now had NEVER been to a doctor before. In case you are wondering, some of the medical situations that have come up in the past two months include: various sorts of stomach pain, various sorts of STDs, tooth pain and severe cavities, urinary tract infections, colds, throwing up, fevers and... appendicitis.

Working with doctors in any place can be frustrating. But sometimes medical care in the Philippines can be more than frustrating. Two weeks after Rachel* arrived she woke up in the middle of the night with severe stomach pain. She was taken to a nearby hospital, where they scheduled her surgery for almost eight hours later. We decided to transfer her to another hospital, concerned that the eight hour wait could be too long.

The second hospital we went to was a government hospital. This is the hospital that most government shelters will use for emergencies because the cost is extremely minimal. In fact, I personally know individuals who have received good care there. But it's also, almost always, over capacity. We arrived there and were sent to a room in the ER with beds to wait. The bed they wanted Rachel to lay in had a few suspicious stains on it. We asked some of the nurses attending what the wait would be like for Rachel to see a doctor. They mentioned that two of the other patients in the room had been admitted in the ER two days earlier. Both were diagnosed with appendicitis. The nurse also mentioned that typically, in this particular hospital the operating rooms were always overbooked and patients with appendicitis usually ruptured before they could have surgery. Needless to say, we left quickly.

Finally we went to another private hospital where the physician was able to tend to Rachel right away. We gave a 50% down payment for the bill, and within an hour, she was taken to the Operating Room. Her appendix was very nearly ruptured, and we are so thankful that we transferred her from the first hospital. Rachel recovered in a few days and was sent back to our home.

Thank you to everyone who donates to this ministry and allows us to provide much needed care for our girls.

*Name changed to protect participant identity

Number One

My first thank you note in our new facility.
The reason: being in our home.
I have the best job in the world. 

Education and Eyeglasses

All five of the girls currently in our care are behind in their schooling. The girl's ages range from 15 years old to 18 years old, however, their education levels are anywhere from grade 1 to "first year" high school. Which means that the girls are somewhere in the range of two years behind in their education to 10 years behind.

Diligently working on the math lesson

When we assessed our program last year, we noticed this gap in education and made plans to address it wholeheartedly when we re-opened our new facility. We've hired two full time staff whose main focus is providing education. Also, two education volunteers have also agreed to come visit a couple of times a week. Together, the four of them comprise our educational team. They work hand in hand with the Department of Education (DepEd) to provide daily tutorial sessions so that the girls can make up for the time that has been stolen from them. And they are so excited to learn; they keep asking for more homework, and would rather study math than play games!.

Grading completed math problems

We also found that part of the reason why they may have not been able to excel in school (other than family trauma and lack of financial resources) is that a couple of them desperately needed eyeglasses. Thankfully, a good friend and supporter of MRH in Cebu,  Dr. de Guzman, graciously agreed to come out to our facility and give free eye exams to all of our girls. She also donated the lenses to the two girls who needed them!

Thanks Dr. de Guzman!