Controlling Goats

My office has a great view of the neighbor's thatch-roofed house on the hill next to ours. Today, I watched out my window as a boy, probably around 8 years old, tried desperately to pull a very stubborn goat up the hill to his house. He tugged, and pulled and shouted for a number of minutes. He was about halfway up  the hill and in desperation, he threw the goat's rope on the ground and started running down the other side of the hill. As soon as he started running, the goat followed him. In fact the goat was so eager to keep up, that he actually overtook the boy!

I laughed a little, at this view out my window. But it reminded me so much of what it's like to work with people. We can be quite stubborn, when others are telling us what to do. Even if that thing they are encouraging us to do is good and better than what we are currently doing, sometimes we attack it with surprising amounts of resistance anyway. But then, if we can glimpse someone excelling and enjoying their way, we will do all we can to attain that thing... especially if no one is pushing or pulling us along.

Sculpture of a girl attempting to pull a goat

I often tell our staff that working with people is not math. There is no one right answer all the time. Even for the same girl. Sometimes one approach works, sometimes that same approach will make the situation worse. We never really know. But we do know, that when we communicate to a person that change and growth are in their control, and only their control, and step back to watch and see how they do it (encouraging and prompting along the way), well, then it's often amazing to see what transpires. The trick is, teaching someone, empowering someone, to find hope, to believe that the future is better and bright and theirs for the taking.

When someone believes that, really believes that they have hope; that's when it becomes impossible to keep up.

Current favorite game: The Slipper Game...

Think of kickball using flip-flops (slippers) instead of a ball. 

Safety

I love hearing the laughter of the girls throughout the day.  Most of my day can be rather boring to be honest. Answering email and making reports and coordinating with partners and staff and all aspects of the program to ensure that we give the best care possible are what I spend the bulk of my time on. But as the girls play games inside and outside, or just enjoy each others company, the laughter that erupts is incredible and gives me great fuel to continue my (boring) tasks.

The other thing that's incredible is watching the girls become accustomed to feeling safe. Safety is a huge part of what we aim to accomplish. Physical Safety is necessary because many of the girls have perpetrators who have threatened them and their families. But even more important at times is Emotional Safety. A few weeks ago, one of the girls cried as she told our staff that she had never been treated without shame or guilt about her past until now. In fact, this was the first time anyone had ever told her it was ok to give up that shame that she had been carrying.  Staff who are caring and comforting (and also firm when they need to be!) are an essential part of providing emotional safety, and I'm so thankful for the staff we have who are doing just that.

The other day the girls did an activity in which they were asked to draw a safe place. The meaning of physical safety and emotional safety was explained to them in order to emphasize the importance of working together and accepting each other (in a house full of teenage girls, emotions sometimes run high!). When they were asked to draw a picture of a safe place... every girl at the table drew a picture of our house.

Last week, we received 6 more girls. That means that currently, we have 13 girls living in our home. Our house is full! Actually, it's more than full, because we had initially set up to take in only 12. I'm still amazed that we opened up our new home less than four months ago and already it's full beyond it's intended capacity. The need is great, and we couldn't bear to separate the last girl out of this group of 6 who came together. All six are between the ages of 14 and 16 and we are so thankful to have the privilege of providing a safe place for each one of them to grow and heal.